Everyone has an ulterior motive for everything. But that's alright. "Ulterior motives" is a colorless term. What matters is what exactly the ulterior motive in question is.
My last formal job ended on November 9, 2022. A month later, amid severe health issues, I joined another organization but had to leave within 2 months because of said health issues. I spent 4 months between March and June 2023 working on art and stories, a project I had had in the pipeline since May 2021. In July 2023, I gave editing my own work a shot. In August 2023, I decided to continue the writing-crying-editing process from Bangalore, where my friends and girlfriend lived. In October, I joined my parents on a month-and-a-half long tour of their friends and family in the States, where I intended to build SEL and ECCE networks but was overwhelmed by my mother's social calendar. I returned to Bangalore in November, and began looking for work, or avenues to make income from sales of my art, or manufacturing of journals and planners, while continuing work on my stories and books. Soon enough, because my health issues made an unwelcome reappearance, I realized I didn't have eno...
⚪ April 2018 It's been a tough few days, weeks, months, year(s?) since I found you and started losing you before I even had you I've gotten sicker and heavier and heavier and heavier and most days I can't tell sadness and gravity apart I've let bottles of cheap alcohol and boxes of menthol cigarettes come and go before I could let you go let us go Let me go you bitch ⚪ February 2018 Do I miss you or the feelings? Fuzzy ones, warm ones, like my grey socks but not grey - actually, give me the grey I'd rather not feel anything at all than the deep and unrelenting sadness of being alive Figures, grey is your favorite color. ⚪ March 2018 Why do I keep coming back to you like a stuck anchor? You're still my only point of reference I know nothing else and I can't progress, like driving 8030 km with the handbrake on- I made it, but does anything work anymore? ⚪ January 2018 I'm still here in these grey sheets I bough...
This summer has been riddled with visits from cousins, visits to cousins, visits with cousins to other cousins.. and I actually enjoyed it! For the past twelve years I have been under the impression that all my cousins are total dweebs, save for one, who I thought a dweeb as well, but not to the extent of the rest. It is somewhat true, but when and how did I ever get the idea that I am not one, as well? In retrospect, it seems I have actually been a jerk! I have been surprised multiple times in the past two months, by the coolness of the people around me, and my lack thereof, in dealing with them. For instance, someone I thought was a frenemy is in fact a wonderful, gracious person, and a sincere friend. My cousin who made an ass of himself years back, is a skilled artist, and fun person. Another cousin broke out of his shell, subsequently breaking mine, and we bonded over a family dinner. My little cousin sister reminded me of the importance of guardian angels in our lives,...
Comments
Post a Comment